Oy...

[seiberwing]

So I have returned from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, having tried to ignore pretty much everyone ever saying it sucks. They obviously had not understood Bay's art, and by art I mean having a loose plot to explain why things are blowing up.

...my head hurts. That is not hyperbole, my head actually physically hurts from the sheer amount of "what the fuck is this what the fuckery" that went into this movie.


The sad part is that I could see the basis of a good plot peeking through. Transformers on Earth thousands of years ago was a decent idea, the Fallen leading a death-to-humans cult vs. Optimus Prime leading a life-to-all-life cult that is so extreme that it actually puts human life above Transformer life (Autobots = PETA?) is a bit more awkward but okay. More robots was a good idea, apparently Bay at least listened to people complaining there weren't enough. Bumblebee supporting Mikaela/Sam was pretty cute in a weird way. Megatron and Starscream bickering was a reasonable scene.

There were some good characters thrown in there too. Simmons as a positive character was a good idea, although they kept trying to make him comedic and that partly ruined it. Simmons/Leo OTP! Jetfire as an old guy who switched sides was cool, I think he was one of my favorites. Bee was...Bee, even this movie couldn't remove the intense love I have for Bee, Bee is win.

There's potential. But it's all put together so horrifically badly and mixed with the kind of toilet humor that South Park fans would find unfunny that it ruins any potential for being interesting. Someone mentioned on RPG.net that the writer's strike occurred halfway through the movie and Bay had to do a lot of it himself--I think this explains pretty much everything.



I'm sorry, Michael Bay. The fighting robots just weren't enough to win me over. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going over to beexsam to comfort myself with some soothing interspecies slash, because the scenes featuring the affirmation of the Bee/Sam/Mikaela OT3 were probably the best part of this movie.

Comments

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

My theory for Wheelie:

Decepticons that are manufactured as small "flunkies" are programmed to become attached to whomever abuses them the most, since that mech is probably the leader of their unit. Thus, the more Mikaela beat on him, the more infatuated he became.

A steady diet of Animal Planet on TV made Wheelie think that humpage was of course the correct way to express affection towards squishy mammals.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

...see, that works. Might also explain the "warrior goddess" thing, he watched too much Xena and assumed powerful women were the natural leaders of the group.

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

Hee, Xena would totes be Wheelie's fave show. I think that too much AP also explains it though- he would have noticed that the females (esp. insects and predators) are be the fiercest and most protective sex. Therefore, he would need to ingratiate himself to Mikaela and hope that she would start protecting him.

...now I want to write a fic where he starts bringing her small dead animals in a desperate bid to woo her after even more Animal Planet viewing. When that doesn't work he robs a jewelry store, and sprays himself with like 3 cans of Axe (hasn't learned the diff between advertising and reality).

What I'm telling myself about the twins (since it is mentioned in their bios that they don't stay in one altmode for long) is that they are "trying on" different speech patterns and accents that they've come across here on Earth. Thus the ebonics phail.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

That and the whole threatening him with a blowtorch thing, that probably made an impression on him.

Doitdoitdoit. Although little broken pieces of machinery and cell phones would probably be more fitting.

The problem inherent with the twins is that while that makes sense in-story, we all know that the writers weren't thinking that far and that's how we ended up with the racism charges. I'd buy that, but it doesn't make them any less annoying and useless.

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, him bringing back little bits of machinery and regaling Mikaela with tales of his derring-do would be pretty funny.

I'll see what happens - I just started another damn kink meme fic. Also, I'm noticing a female dominance theme in my 2007 movieverse fic ideas, LOL.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

They deserve it, given how much females seem to exist entirely to be sex objects or Sam's mom.

It wouldn't happen to be the one that just popped up, would it?

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

Heh, I was pretty happy that ROTF validated my characterization of Judy. (I wrote the Marital Hanky Panky fic on the old kink meme.) Although someone who probably grew up in the 70s and can't wait to skinny dip once her son is out of the house? Would /so/ recognize a pot leaf. It was like two different people wrote her character and didn't talk to each other at all.

>_> <_< It miiiiiight be.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

She was written to be 'stupid mother'. The laws of logic were ignored in favor of bad comedy. Even assuming she lost brain cells and didn't know what a pot brownie is, what kind of (especially prestigious) campus has people selling pot brownies openly and to people's moms? And since when do pot brownies work that fast and cause that extreme of a reaction from two bites? And why wouldn't she listen to her husband saying that the brownies were no good? Nobody in this film acts like a real person.

Most excellent. *grins*

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

Also, pot brownies taste like skunk ass. I've never done any illicit drugs, but I did accidentally grab some from a plate in a friend's apartment in college.

I spit it out right away and said, "Dude, you're such a terrible cook that you actually made brownies go rotten."

And college hottie co-eds totally get wet for dorky melodramatic sciences professors. Yupyup. Oh, and they walk the halls of their co-ed dorms in their underpants all the time.

I was a little nervous about it because it's such a random specific kink. (When I saw the bit in the prompt about getting re-tightened, I had the mental image of Ratchet down there with a drill chuck and I just HAD to run with it.) Glad you're liking it, even given the outrageous tense fail in places. ^_^

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

My suitemate got a pot cookie once. She was freaking out over the phone to her mom because she felt sick and thought there was something else in there (girl had problems), but she certainly wasn't acting like a sugar-high fangirl.

I've had freaky teachers before, but we all went either 'lol' or 'wtf' for them, nobody bar a freaky few would actually go for them. And all the girls in the room are hot. Seriously, was there any single female character under the age of twenty-five who wasn't gorgeous pornbait?

That and I like it when someone devotes time and thought to a concept--for example, the drill chuck thing and how it would actually work. I actually like it a good deal better than your angsty stuff.

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

LOL, did we have the same suitemate? My freshman roommate called her mom at like 3am the first time she got a stomach bug in college. Her mother then called every half an hour after that to check up on her, until I finally told her to stop calling because her daughter had finally fallen asleep and I had class at 8am.

I did have to laugh at Leo's kitten calendars though - mostly because one of the prop ones had the same picture on the cover as the one I have. XD Someone could certainly make lots of money from me with those!

Did you see the person saying on shortpacked that slut Starscream is canon now, because he was getting "sexed up by the fallen for two years"? I had to laugh, because it does fit, even if Bay didn't intend anything like that.

It's a fun break from the angst - flexing different porny muscles, if you will. I've been going through a major bout of writer's block, so having something just flow and come together that quickly felt really good.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Mine was up at four am sobbing on the phone to her mom (which woke me up) and then the RA was in there, and then the campus cop, and then EMTs brought an ambulance over and she was freaking because she didn't want anyone seeing her going to the ambulance. She made them go out, and then followed after they were gone.

I saw her ahead of me in line at the therapist's office a few months later. I figure she needed it.

Did you see the person saying on [info]shortpacked that slut Starscream is canon now, because he was getting "sexed up by the fallen for two years"?

Haha, yes. That does seem to be what happened.

[kookaburra1701.livejournal.com]

Well, thanks to your suggestion about Wheelie bringing Mikaela bits of electronics, I had the weirdest dream about him presenting her with the crushed remains of a vibrator. And then he incorporated them into his own parts, and wouldn't stop buzzing.

I'm sure there's a porn movie in there somewhere.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Hasn't the kink meme already done that at some point? I think it was with Frenzy, though.