Oy...

[seiberwing]

So I have returned from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, having tried to ignore pretty much everyone ever saying it sucks. They obviously had not understood Bay's art, and by art I mean having a loose plot to explain why things are blowing up.

...my head hurts. That is not hyperbole, my head actually physically hurts from the sheer amount of "what the fuck is this what the fuckery" that went into this movie.


The sad part is that I could see the basis of a good plot peeking through. Transformers on Earth thousands of years ago was a decent idea, the Fallen leading a death-to-humans cult vs. Optimus Prime leading a life-to-all-life cult that is so extreme that it actually puts human life above Transformer life (Autobots = PETA?) is a bit more awkward but okay. More robots was a good idea, apparently Bay at least listened to people complaining there weren't enough. Bumblebee supporting Mikaela/Sam was pretty cute in a weird way. Megatron and Starscream bickering was a reasonable scene.

There were some good characters thrown in there too. Simmons as a positive character was a good idea, although they kept trying to make him comedic and that partly ruined it. Simmons/Leo OTP! Jetfire as an old guy who switched sides was cool, I think he was one of my favorites. Bee was...Bee, even this movie couldn't remove the intense love I have for Bee, Bee is win.

There's potential. But it's all put together so horrifically badly and mixed with the kind of toilet humor that South Park fans would find unfunny that it ruins any potential for being interesting. Someone mentioned on RPG.net that the writer's strike occurred halfway through the movie and Bay had to do a lot of it himself--I think this explains pretty much everything.



I'm sorry, Michael Bay. The fighting robots just weren't enough to win me over. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going over to beexsam to comfort myself with some soothing interspecies slash, because the scenes featuring the affirmation of the Bee/Sam/Mikaela OT3 were probably the best part of this movie.

Comments

[joules-burn.livejournal.com]

If it wasn't for the whole eating the sun thing, I'd be firmly on Megatron's side.

Technically, it's entirely the fact that we're human that we're supposed to side with Prime in these movies. Because of Megatron's disreguard for life. The problem is, the movie doesn't properly portray why we're supposed to want him to be defeated otherwise. His tyranny and such. I think movie Megs honestly thinks he's a freedom fighter in this one.

He's nuts.

But. At the same time. If there's not enough energy to get that device off the planet. If there's a way for Cybertronians to obtain energon and then move on from there and be able to go on living instead of the path to extinction that Prime was talking in the end of the first movie?

Can you really fault that? Humankind. If it was endangered. We would stomp on whatever we needed to in order to survive.

Not that I think Megatron is right. But ignoring the comics and the books. Looking at only what information the movies give us. We're really expected to go against the Decepticons for being callous, warrior like jerks who are willing to destroy Earth in order to survive.

Sam's mom did more than Mikaela in this movie. At least she had the good sense to go and get high. In the first half of the movie, all Mikaela did was hump her motorbike so we could watch.

Bumblebee.

Hrmm. I think he technically 'said' Sam. I forgot he didn't technically speak. Which still makes no sense to me. Yes, it was part of what made him endearing. But it's a trick that could STILL be used when he's in carmode and having to play inanimate.

He didn't get enough screentime to save this movie. Bumblebee is part of what made the first movie so adorable. And in this one, he was just a lost, pathetic puppy running after a master who doesn't want him anymore.

And those damn twins upstaged him so that he was the quiet background ornament while they wouldn't shut up. While adding absolutely nothing but ebonics and slapstick to the movie. I don't mind a little of that. But they got tiring.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I havne't read any of the supplementary material, but Megatron doesn't come across as a freedom fighter to me. What he and the Decepticons come across as are people who want to resurrect their dying race, a race that Optimus is not only willing but deliberately intending to sacrifice down to the last bot for Earth to survive. If anyone's nuts, it's Optimus Prime.

And let's not forget that the human race has done nothing to earn Megatron's respect. Sector 7 kept him imprisoned in a coma for decades and hid his planet's life source, then allied with the Autobots against them. We're like the bugs in Starship Troopers to them, only smaller and able to think. Even if Megatron wasn't ZOMGEVIL, it would make the most sense to sacrifice our race to save the Transformers.

The energon-destroys-suns thing just seemed like a cheap ploy to make the Decepticons into cartoonish villains. It's funny how the movie's supposed to be more mature and winds up being less mature and thought out than freaking G1.

I vote rescue mission to save Bumblebee from this movie. We can put him in Animated and he can get some respect.

[joules-burn.livejournal.com]

I don't particularly want to read any of the supplimentals. I'll get what I need out of teletraan. I just know that they list in there that Megatron thinks of himself as a freedom fighter. Probably a more strongly worded way of saying that he thinks he's fighting on the right side for Cybertron.

That's also where I read that Megatron was at least semi-aware for the time he was frozen in there by Sector 7. Which is why he yells out his name when he unfreezes. All insulted by being called MBE1 or whatever. So yeah. I can't imagine he'd have a lot of respect for human kind.

And us as Starship Trooper bugs is amazing. I wish I could spit fire.

The destroying the sun bit... yeah. That was extremely. Amazingly cartoon. That was old Marvel comics. I almost laughed out loud. It was like Lex Luthor trying to make a new continent. Wait.

I can actually see G1 Megatron rasping out some crap about a Sun destroying discombobulator that the Constructicons built and the Autobots had to come kick some ass to stop him. Then Megatron gets shot in the face, cries for Starscream, who comes and picks his ass up rather than shoot him while he's down. And they fly off into the sunset towards the Nemesis.

Oh, wait.

Still. If you say there is a giant alien sun destroyer and if destroying it would bring back the allspark and make it so they could go find more appropriate suns to destroy after that? It makes sense to me. And Megatron was the Lord High Protector. HE'S DOIN HIS JOB.

Except he was crazy spitting for the allspark like he wanted it in his mouth.

Bumblebee can be saved. But only if we bring Ratchet. I like 'Let's let them fuck themselves' Ratchet. Who is obviously being banged by Ironhide. So he can come, too.

And Sideswipe. And Jolt. Just for looking cool.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Probably a more strongly worded way of saying that he thinks he's fighting on the right side for Cybertron.

That I'll buy, mostly because it's true.

It was rather G1, wasn't it? Except in G1 we expect things to make no sense. Why exactly did the Fallen have such a bug up his tailpipe about destroying our sun? Alpha Centauri's like five spacemiles away, go chew on that. Earth's sun isn't really that unique.


Except he was crazy spitting for the allspark like he wanted it in his mouth.

*lols*

Bumblebee can be saved. But only if we bring Ratchet. I like 'Let's let them fuck themselves' Ratchet. Who is obviously being banged by Ironhide. So he can come, too.

And Sideswipe. And Jolt. Just for looking cool.

Oh, we're definitely bringing Ratchet and Ironhide. I have to admit, in that one scene where government man is spouting off next to Prime's corpse, I was desperately waiting for Ironhide to just shoot him.

Also the Arcee twins/triplets/whatever. Because that was a cool idea and we need more chicks.

[joules-burn.livejournal.com]

Why exactly did the Fallen have such a bug up his tailpipe about destroying our sun?

I've chewed on that one for about five minutes and was able to come up with some bullshit to explain it. Which they should have actually said. Because it makes more sense.

In Transformer world, energon makes the robot go round. From what I can tell, they've all but run out and some, like Jetfire, are slowly decaying without that lifeblood. So. They built that machine millions of years prior, when Seibertron had more sources. It was like the robot Roaring 20's. Now, they want to use that device and don't have the resources or energy to move it.

Obvious solution. Blow up our sun. Get that energon. Move on to the next galaxy and begin to rebuild Cybertron, or a new robot homeland.

I have to admit, in that one scene where government man is spouting off next to Prime's corpse, I was desperately waiting for Ironhide to just shoot him.

The entire movie would have been made. Except that guy was there to lulz at administration/anti-war/blahblah/socialcommentary. The only social commentary Bay should be making is 'lulz, I pick actress cus is hot chik'.

Arcee bikes can come. They'll be the Smurfette in our little new robot asylum.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

See, that makes sense now, but the question is why they built it here in the first place. I would think solar systems with life would be pretty rare. Why didn't they just land, go "whoops, squishies, nevermind" and go somewhere else?


The entire movie would have been made. Except that guy was there to lulz at administration/anti-war/blahblah/socialcommentary.

Fuck that, fuck that right in its pseudopatriotic small-dicked, flag-waving ass. I find it very hypocritical to go 'yay military and war and blowing shit up' while everyone's supposedly working for peace.

Alice can come under the conditions that she put actual pants on and stop trying to seduce barely legal freshmen. We do have standards, you know.