Why is it that all Saturday afternoons involve me, a laptop, and no pants?

[seiberwing]

I participated in a candlelight vigil for Matthew Shepard two days ago. Was very cold out there, to the point where I couldn't even feel the wax dripping onto my fingers, but it felt worthwhile.

The problem is that I said I'd come to the Alliance's meeting next Tuesday and I'm feeling very nervous about it. Here's the situation:

I don't particularly like putting a label on myself, but if I had to go there I'd say bisexual leaning towards lesbian. I've only dated two people, both male, one of which I didn't find attractive in the least and the other of which turned out sorta-gay (and I have no idea why I liked him in the first place, he wasn't that attractive). As far as women, I find a number of them attractive in a sexual-ish fashion (hello, suitemate-next-door). I even asked a girl out to the prom, although she had to cancel and I wound up with cutiebirdgal's brother. But I've never dated one, or kissed one for real, or even asked one out properly.

It's never been an issue with me. The most oppressed I've been is Vertigo's girlfriend attempting to kiss me (put that girl on a leash, for god's sake) and a few odd looks or commments when I engaged in blatent gay-ish 'that chick is hot' behavior. A bit odd considering we're in the South, but I've always hung out with tolerant people.

I've never come out and said it, but I've made it a good bit obvious to people at times. I'm terribly anxious about going because I can't say "I'm straight but I think gay people are cool" or "I'm gay/bi/transgendered and I know what it's like to suffer prejudice". And what with bisexuality being used to explain things like Girls Gone Wild and kids experimenting, I don't even know if they'll accept me like that. Some people don't even think bisexuality exists.

Hell, I don't even know if I am like that. People's brains can fool themselves, maybe I'm straight and just don't know it yet. I like being a little odd and hitting on other girls is sometimes a way to be odd. For all I know I'm just justifying my odd-ish behavior by saying I'm like that. I don't want to be a poser, or for people to think I'm being like this just to seem cool and alternative. I just want to be what I am.

I'm going, of course. I just don't know what to do there.

Comments

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I had a crush on a friend of mine; still do, only she's...not a slut, per say, but she goes around with a lot of guys and is at times a bit too explicit with what she does with her boyfriend. Ew. And apparently everyone knew I had a crush on her even before I told her. Not dateable material, though. She's nice looking but lacks any micron of common sense.

But here in Asheville there are MANY hot girls and one may not know what to do.

Made out with one boyfriend and it was kinda fun, couldn't bear to kiss the other one. It just sort of freaked me out even to kiss him on the cheek.

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

So you've at least had a decent kiss *jealous*

*wishes to pop into the Pirates of the Caribbean universe to see if Anamaria's interested* *in between Jack and Davy and possibly Will, of course*

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I'd rather put Will in between Jack and Davy, if you get my meaning.

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

*delight!*

Ohhh, yes, that'd be wonderful. (Not as wonderful as me between Jack and Davy, but still.)

Dunno what to think about Will . . . he's honestly quite stupid-looking for most of both movies, and then at the very end, in Tia Dalma's place, all of a sudden he was HOT . . . the lighting and his hair loose and the angst/fury thing going on. Weird. But Jack and Davy take the cake any day. And Anamaria.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I think Will will be cooler in the next one. Or at least I hope so.