Why is it that all Saturday afternoons involve me, a laptop, and no pants?

[seiberwing]

I participated in a candlelight vigil for Matthew Shepard two days ago. Was very cold out there, to the point where I couldn't even feel the wax dripping onto my fingers, but it felt worthwhile.

The problem is that I said I'd come to the Alliance's meeting next Tuesday and I'm feeling very nervous about it. Here's the situation:

I don't particularly like putting a label on myself, but if I had to go there I'd say bisexual leaning towards lesbian. I've only dated two people, both male, one of which I didn't find attractive in the least and the other of which turned out sorta-gay (and I have no idea why I liked him in the first place, he wasn't that attractive). As far as women, I find a number of them attractive in a sexual-ish fashion (hello, suitemate-next-door). I even asked a girl out to the prom, although she had to cancel and I wound up with cutiebirdgal's brother. But I've never dated one, or kissed one for real, or even asked one out properly.

It's never been an issue with me. The most oppressed I've been is Vertigo's girlfriend attempting to kiss me (put that girl on a leash, for god's sake) and a few odd looks or commments when I engaged in blatent gay-ish 'that chick is hot' behavior. A bit odd considering we're in the South, but I've always hung out with tolerant people.

I've never come out and said it, but I've made it a good bit obvious to people at times. I'm terribly anxious about going because I can't say "I'm straight but I think gay people are cool" or "I'm gay/bi/transgendered and I know what it's like to suffer prejudice". And what with bisexuality being used to explain things like Girls Gone Wild and kids experimenting, I don't even know if they'll accept me like that. Some people don't even think bisexuality exists.

Hell, I don't even know if I am like that. People's brains can fool themselves, maybe I'm straight and just don't know it yet. I like being a little odd and hitting on other girls is sometimes a way to be odd. For all I know I'm just justifying my odd-ish behavior by saying I'm like that. I don't want to be a poser, or for people to think I'm being like this just to seem cool and alternative. I just want to be what I am.

I'm going, of course. I just don't know what to do there.

Comments

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

You, as I recall, molested me upon more than one occasion.

[goldcelestial.livejournal.com]

I wasn't serious.
you heard me gush about krissy one time, I never did that to you did I? ....lol......^^;
and, I know I like girls, I just don't know if I'd like having sex with them.... sometimes that's the only way to find out if you are one way or the other.........
>_>
<_< meh...

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

*grumbles* Was NOT funny. And no way in hell am I having sex just to find out if I like it.

[goldcelestial.livejournal.com]

I don't want you to,
like I said, I don't like you that way.
and, in case you didn't notice, tom molested you too on several occasions.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

And I didn't appreciate that either. S'got nothing to do with liking, it's the act that was uncomfortable.

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

Hey, no molesting the Seiber if she says no! *makes protective-friend faces*