Fandom's over, we can all go home now.

[seiberwing]

I think I've found, hands down, probably the weirdest porn dialogue in the history of the Transformers Kink Meme. Possibly the Transformers fandom itself.

I ain't gonna break, Opti.” Jazz attempted to hump back, but his position wouldn't allow it. “Come on, moooove. Please?”

“I'm savoring the moment,” Optimus explained in a faraway, breathy (how a mech that didn't breath managed to sound breathy, Jazz would never care enough to know) tone.

“You're drivin' me bananas, that's what you're doin'.” Jazz braced himself with one hand and tried to make Optimus roll over; instead, the Prime pushed Jazz halfway onto his belly. Damn their different sizes!

“I didn't know you could drive bananas.”

Jazz huffed, not only at the lame counterjibe, but at the fact that Prime STILL WASN'T MOVING.
“Prime...”

“Maybe you're confusing bananas with the Weinermobile.”

Okay, he could HEAR the smile in Prime's face now. “Prime!”

And now I'm having images of the Weinermobile as a Transformer. Thanks, brain.

Comments

[raisedbymoogles.livejournal.com]

I think it's kind of cute. I like touches of the absurd and silly in porn, so it's not an endless march of SRS.

Besides, they're talking phallic metaphors, so it's totally on topic. ;)

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Yes, but Optimus Prime talking about the Weinermobile throws me out of the fic like a spring-loaded cream pie. And makes me die laughing.

[catraven.livejournal.com]

"spring-loaded cream pie" = Best. Turn of phrase. EVER!

[happyyandere.livejournal.com]

I still think it's weird that I found a fic where some Transformers took a shower together.

Where did they even find a shower that big with a sliding door




I always kinda liked Jazz and Optimus together though, even if I only barely have my toes in the door of the Transformers stuff. Cuddlin' robots :3c

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

One assumes it was their shower. They have to get clean somehow.

[happyyandere.livejournal.com]

Surely one assumes they just hose themselves down or go through carwashes or something :U

The idea of a sliding-door shower that enormous makes me WAT a bit

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

All the other doors slide. Cause it's The Future and all, where hinges only exist in museums. A shower's kinda like a standing carwash, isn't it? And it's hard to have sex in a carwash.

...damnit, I should go put that on the kink meme.

[happyyandere.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess when you think about it it might make a little sense. I think I found it silly because it conjured in my mind the image of a beige tiled bathroom with plush bathmats and a vase of dandelions :3c

Carwash sex would surely be disastrous if you asked for a hot wax. It sounds hilarious though. Especially with those big rotating sponge things.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I'm sure somebody could think of something kinky to do with the wavy brushes. It just might not end well.

[sonofwolf.livejournal.com]

Hey, anything is better than the dildo that transforms into a purple megatron looking dude.



In fact, I am STILL looking for that in stores.


For the novelty factor. You know.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that was a photoshop, dude.

[sonofwolf.livejournal.com]

I know. I am being sarcastic.

[hoskie.livejournal.com]

There are many many MANY things I don't like about the above.

Even if you set aside the whole 'weinermobile' thing... it's still awkwardly written.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It doesn't flow at all.

[kagirinaiyume.livejournal.com]

....OW.....OOOOOOWW...

[midoriri.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Wow...
A Transforming Weinermobile...now all there needs to be is an ice-cream truck and the Mystery Machine. (Wait, WAS there an ice-cream truck Transformer?)

Also, since it's out of context, it doesn't look like sex at al. The whole deal with "MOVE" makes it sound like two guys with only one blanket/bed. ("Scoot over!" "You scoot over! "Quit hogging the sheet!")

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

I think the humping gives it away. Also, a TF Mystery Machine would rock.