seiberwing

So. National Coming Out Day.

I feel like I should do something but there's not very much I can do. I think there was some party or other from the local whatever-it's-called on campus but I missed it because I was at Kate's house playing with Puck. My rainbow 'I can't think straight' button is on my backpack but I think I just put it there so I'd have something to do with it. I suppose it's representative of my experience.

I haven't exactly got a coming out story. My parents knew before I did, I was openly surprised that my auntie thought I might be interested in a male friend and explained it to her and the worst I got was an 'oh'. Outside that I never really made much of a secret of it--but thing was I barely interacted with most people outside a narrow group that had little real interest in me for the most part. There was nobody to tell and I didn't seek anyone out...it didn't seem feasible. There wasn't anyone in high school like me and by the time I moved on to college, which actually had an Alliance I still didn't really find anyone I could relate to. There were women who liked women, there just weren't any women who liked me. So I wasn't any further along than I was when I'd started.

Alana's the first SO I've actually had that wasn't just fitting-in window dressing like the two 'boyfriends' I had in high school, I kind of feel justified in calling her the first person I've ever dated. It's a very odd feeling, going from simply being a lonely little thing with odd interests to actually doing something about it, if you get my drift, and I'm still a little unsteady on my feet about where this is going.

I haven't got a dramatic story, I haven't got a community and I haven't even really pinned down an identity. As a queer I kind of suck and I've always felt sort of guilty about it.

But I have a girlfriend who's making me lavender cookies. So I think I'm all right.