![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I am a pretty weird person.
My usual reaction to problems is wanting to wait for them to go away, an instinct that has served me poorly nine times out of ten.
The last time I went to the dentist, where they told me I needed a mouth guard (that I didn't use) and some fillings (which I tried to ignore through increased flossing), was to get my chipped tooth sanded down. I thought I'd maybe gone in March (my perception of time is pretty bad too). I called today to slink back to the dentist's office and get my TMJ looked at, and to hopefully get my wisdom teeth pulled because I'm pretty sure they're why my bite is so fucked up.
My last one was in January.
The sad thing is that it's not just my jaw aches and trouble eating and that constant sore feeling at the back of my mouth that's bothering me, it's the crushing guilt for having not taken care of it sooner and hoping it would go away if I just stopped chewing gum. It's worrying that my dentist will be cross with me for not taking her advice. It's concern for money, because my insurance only covers part of the fillings none of the $500 mouthguard (which is why I've wanted to use cheap moldable ones), and I don't know what its wisdom tooth policy is. And it's worrying that through my laziness and nerves I have somehow permanently fucked myself up.
My guilt regarding my conduct is worse than my concerns regarding my health. That is what a strange person I am.
(Oh, and today I am also going to meeting on doing PhD applications. Given that the head of MAPSS seems to like doing everything in his power to terrify into believing we're not good enough and will never merit a PhD because we're just not dedicated enough, I can't see this being good for my sanity either.)
My usual reaction to problems is wanting to wait for them to go away, an instinct that has served me poorly nine times out of ten.
The last time I went to the dentist, where they told me I needed a mouth guard (that I didn't use) and some fillings (which I tried to ignore through increased flossing), was to get my chipped tooth sanded down. I thought I'd maybe gone in March (my perception of time is pretty bad too). I called today to slink back to the dentist's office and get my TMJ looked at, and to hopefully get my wisdom teeth pulled because I'm pretty sure they're why my bite is so fucked up.
My last one was in January.
The sad thing is that it's not just my jaw aches and trouble eating and that constant sore feeling at the back of my mouth that's bothering me, it's the crushing guilt for having not taken care of it sooner and hoping it would go away if I just stopped chewing gum. It's worrying that my dentist will be cross with me for not taking her advice. It's concern for money, because my insurance only covers part of the fillings none of the $500 mouthguard (which is why I've wanted to use cheap moldable ones), and I don't know what its wisdom tooth policy is. And it's worrying that through my laziness and nerves I have somehow permanently fucked myself up.
My guilt regarding my conduct is worse than my concerns regarding my health. That is what a strange person I am.
(Oh, and today I am also going to meeting on doing PhD applications. Given that the head of MAPSS seems to like doing everything in his power to terrify into believing we're not good enough and will never merit a PhD because we're just not dedicated enough, I can't see this being good for my sanity either.)
