In which I have no story.

[seiberwing]

So. National Coming Out Day.

I feel like I should do something but there's not very much I can do. I think there was some party or other from the local whatever-it's-called on campus but I missed it because I was at Kate's house playing with Puck. My rainbow 'I can't think straight' button is on my backpack but I think I just put it there so I'd have something to do with it. I suppose it's representative of my experience.

I haven't exactly got a coming out story. My parents knew before I did, I was openly surprised that my auntie thought I might be interested in a male friend and explained it to her and the worst I got was an 'oh'. Outside that I never really made much of a secret of it--but thing was I barely interacted with most people outside a narrow group that had little real interest in me for the most part. There was nobody to tell and I didn't seek anyone out...it didn't seem feasible. There wasn't anyone in high school like me and by the time I moved on to college, which actually had an Alliance I still didn't really find anyone I could relate to. There were women who liked women, there just weren't any women who liked me. So I wasn't any further along than I was when I'd started.

Alana's the first SO I've actually had that wasn't just fitting-in window dressing like the two 'boyfriends' I had in high school, I kind of feel justified in calling her the first person I've ever dated. It's a very odd feeling, going from simply being a lonely little thing with odd interests to actually doing something about it, if you get my drift, and I'm still a little unsteady on my feet about where this is going.

I haven't got a dramatic story, I haven't got a community and I haven't even really pinned down an identity. As a queer I kind of suck and I've always felt sort of guilty about it.

But I have a girlfriend who's making me lavender cookies. So I think I'm all right.

Comments

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

I think you're doing just fine. :) I kind of envy you; I could have done with quite a bit less drama over my queer identity.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

That's the thing, y'know? Everyone else has drama. I feel weird for not.

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

You're not weird, just lucky. It's good that your coming out was a non-event; that's the kind of situation gay rights activists are working towards. Think of yourself as ahead of the curve. :)

[arwingyoshi.livejournal.com]

I didn't have a whole lot of drama when I realized I was asexual and subsequently came out to my friends and family. Pretty much the collected reactions (including mine) were "well, this explains a few things".

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Asexuality seems to get more of 'huh, that's odd' than outright bigotry. Mostly because it's so far off anyone's radar.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Call it survivor's guilt, maybe. ^_^;

[arwingyoshi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've noticed that asexuals are a rather underrepresented minority. I wasn't even aware that it applied to more than just single-celled organisms until about a year ago. Went to grade schools where sex ed was real abstinence heavy and didn't even cover 'abnormal' sexualities.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

Homosexuality is something you 'do'. You can't really be an active asexual.

[asondeiru.livejournal.com]

Why feel guilty? I didn't figure out I was interested in women until I was about 20 and I fell hard for my best friend (while having a boyfriend, oops). Looking back, I can't help but facepalm at how obvious it seems in hindsight, but I really had no idea until it pretty much smacked me in the face. People I was close to in high school, however, had it pretty much figured out from what I'm being told now. If anyone fails at being queer, it's me. XD

The point isn't to try and one-up you so much as it is to illustrate that we all come to ourselves in unique ways and come into our identities over time. Don't feel bad just because you don't fit into some mold or don't have some horrible drama attached to your coming out process. Celebrate who you are.

Plus, you have a girlfriend who makes you lavender cookies. :) I'd say you're doing just fine.

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

That actually means a lot to me, thank you. ^_^ It's hard to feel comfortable in one's skin and not compare oneself to everyone.

[asondeiru.livejournal.com]

♥ You're welcome. Glad I could help.

And believe me, I know. There are days where I'm like "I AM THE WORST LESBIAN EVER, WTF." ^^() I think it's just human nature, which is why we have friends to step in and go 'you are awesome the way you are.' It's how things work. :)

[flight-wo-wings.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm sorry. (hugs) Please don't feel bad about it, you're fine.

[biting-moopie.livejournal.com]

But I have a girlfriend who's making me lavender cookies. So I think I'm all right.

Definitely :)

[ginga270.livejournal.com]

/\asondeiru said it better than I ever could. ^^

Don't feel guilty. Be thankful you are who you are! Plus, you've got Alana now to help you discover yourself in ways you couldn't have on your own.

And just so you know, cookies make everything better~

[seiberwing.livejournal.com]

And we are going to be doing a lot of discovering tomorrow when the train gets here let me tell you.

Alana's seriously the best thing for me in all of this. If nothing else it's the knowledge that someone out there is actually compatible with my weirdness and also wants to cook for me.

[miryamaris.livejournal.com]

Don't feel guilty. I fell in love with my bestfriend at 11 and after that I realized I liked both men and women...For the liking-women thing I suffered until 19, i.e. when (I'm not going to tell all the tearjerking story) a former university and lab partner became my boyfriend. He was somehow eager about having a bisexual girlfriend. It was my mother who almost pushed me to suicide (also) because of my homosexual tastes. And now I'm leaving home. Also because I decided to become a biker (I have a Kawasaki Ninja) and that's really gay, she thinks (and I'm gonna get squished by a truck, she says).
From what I can understand from your journal, your parents didn't throw a tantrum, did they?
If it's so, it should make you feel a little more relaxed.

Anyway, I am extremely happy for you. I hope Alana will make you feel better and better, and accept yourself the way you are, not the way you should be in the society(whatever). Especially if she cooks for you.