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Nov. 4th, 2006 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seiberwingWarning, gratitous depression ahead. If you want happy things, go over to the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
mecha_erotica contest and vote on the hottest bit of hotness.
I'm a cool person. I have friends, I get good grades, I'm an all-around kind individual. I had someone actually stop me when I was walking out the door and ask to have lunch with me sometime (no, not like that. Ew).
Why the fuck do I feel so worthless? Every time I need to be creative, for like the upcoming short story due for Creative Writing class, I have nothing. I'm empty.
Talked with my mom and it hurt more than it helped. Every time we talk on the phone, I wind up getting angry at her and crying, and it's not even all her fault. I don't even know why I do it; all I know is that whenever we stop talking, I need a hug from the person I just stabbed in the heart again. After I hung up the phone, I sat down and sobbed.
I'll be honest here. I don't write for fun, I never have. I write because I have to in order to feel good, and because my fanfiction occasionally makes other people happy. Getting high scores on my tests (92% on the last Psych exam, whoo!) doesn't give me validation, I get it from my stories and occasionally poems. Even if it's just some silly thing I post on the internet, I feel good because I've done it.
So when I can't do one measily prompt for one measily creative writing class that I've been hating more and more as the weeks go by, it hurts. I want to just curl up into a ball and die for the stupidist reason in the world: I have no plot. Who gets depressed by a lack of plot?
*sigh* I've been trying, really. I've had a few good ideas, but every time I try to write it, I freeze up. It's like my fingers refuse to type words. And with an upcoming short story due on the eighth, I can't afford to have this happen.
mecha_erotica contest and vote on the hottest bit of hotness.I'm a cool person. I have friends, I get good grades, I'm an all-around kind individual. I had someone actually stop me when I was walking out the door and ask to have lunch with me sometime (no, not like that. Ew).
Why the fuck do I feel so worthless? Every time I need to be creative, for like the upcoming short story due for Creative Writing class, I have nothing. I'm empty.
Talked with my mom and it hurt more than it helped. Every time we talk on the phone, I wind up getting angry at her and crying, and it's not even all her fault. I don't even know why I do it; all I know is that whenever we stop talking, I need a hug from the person I just stabbed in the heart again. After I hung up the phone, I sat down and sobbed.
I'll be honest here. I don't write for fun, I never have. I write because I have to in order to feel good, and because my fanfiction occasionally makes other people happy. Getting high scores on my tests (92% on the last Psych exam, whoo!) doesn't give me validation, I get it from my stories and occasionally poems. Even if it's just some silly thing I post on the internet, I feel good because I've done it.
So when I can't do one measily prompt for one measily creative writing class that I've been hating more and more as the weeks go by, it hurts. I want to just curl up into a ball and die for the stupidist reason in the world: I have no plot. Who gets depressed by a lack of plot?
*sigh* I've been trying, really. I've had a few good ideas, but every time I try to write it, I freeze up. It's like my fingers refuse to type words. And with an upcoming short story due on the eighth, I can't afford to have this happen.
