seiberwing: (Internet Arguement)
Someone sent me this review for Where Art Is Helpful. It seems to have been cut off and I'm having a little trouble deciphering what's been left behind.

I really liked this fanfic, I’m an artist myself and that’s what I’m planning on being. I took a Creative Writing class and picked up on a lot. Here’s a few things I spotted in you’re writing. Oh, here we go.

("Keeps you off the streets and so on?" A mild chuckle. "He does seem to be strange as Autobots go--and cute, too! I love his little wheels!" Blitzwing leaned forward and gently touched "Technological Misfortune" with one finger, analyzing the texture and seemingly finding the bumpiness to be very intriguing. Bulkhead tended to use thick paints rather than watercolors, and he hadn't quite figured out a way to keep it from clumping at the end of a

I spotted at least three things wrong in that whole paragraph or should I say what should’ve been two sentences.
And I spot at least two things wrong with your one sentence, I think I come out ahead. First, NEVER cut off the starting point of a dialogue with a period, always use a comma. Ex (and so on?" A mild chuckle ‘.’ "He does) If you cut off the dialogue that way, you ruin the whole flow of the character speaking. The chuckle is not part of the dialogue, it's a free action before the speaking recommences. This should be obvious by the fact that it's a sentence fragment rather than a description of the talking.

Second, you’re IT'S YOUR OMG SHUT UP comma placement. Ex (finger, analyzing). Technically analyzing something with your finger isn’t all that different. Commas in that situation are only used when you have the character doing a second action different from their first. There is a very big difference between a simple and analysis, Just try rewriting that sentence without a comma, it looks ridiculous and seems to indicate that the finger itself is analyzing rather its owner.

Three, either you were half awake Entirely possible, but I usually edit when I'm more sober. or you were lazy and just clumped everything into one paragraph. Every dialogue should have their own paragraph and every person or situation that’s doing their own thing should get their own too. It was complete randomness turning the spotlight immediately over to Bulkhead from what Blitzwing was doing. ...but there's nothing but Blitzwing in that paragraph! He's doing all the talking and acting.

Also, what happened at the end?

Blitzwing's hand swept out to encompass the rest of the gallery. "Then lead on, trucemaker!"

Again you don’t know where to place your periods and comas.
Everyone is fully conscious in this fic, thank you. Instead of the period have a semicolon and give the quote its own paragraph-space. That isn't how semicolons work, not at all. Not knowing how to set up a story right ruins the flow and the feeling for a reader even when they can’t pick up on it. Your fics would be stronger if you took the time to know how to properly arrange it. And your review would be stronger if you were actually reading the fic instead of trying to put it into some sort of proper paragraph generator that has as much accuracy as Babelfish's translator.

I can also see you’re a deep thinker and artist because you put so much depth into your detail. But too much detail throws the reader into complete boredom. It did me. Whaa? Lack of detail is one of my heavy weaknesses, this fic would probably benefit from far more description. I am hardly [ profile] koilungfish here.

Some writers can pull it off if they make it flow at the same time but SeiberWing, I read your story.But apparently not my name. Why have you randomly capitalized me, it makes me feel dirty inside. I can’t feel any flow in it. I felt the Mary-Sue feeling
but it’s not a character; it’s a writing style of too much artsy-fartsy detail and I feel I’m getting lectured too and reading a writing-style that’s too good to be true. You’re a perfectionist and it shows when you try making your writing style look too perfect and professional that it doesn’t work.
My story is so good that it becomes a Mary Sue? I have no idea what's going on in this section.

Either you work on arranging your story better, getting more to the point, and finally putting good flow into your sentences or you don’t

And it just cuts off there and I am left very confused. My fic is either written too well or not well enough, and may be jumbled or perfectionist. And she liked it but just couldn't get into it.
seiberwing: (WTF?)
So. My copy of The Allspark Almanac, the Transformers: Animated guidebook, arrived today.

It is probably the most awesome Transformer-related thing I currently own. There's over 200 wonderfully glossy pages of episode synopses as written by the characters (Fanzone types his reports with a typewriter), and concept art with most of the characters getting both front and back shorts, and art of every single character that has ever appeared in the background for a single scene or more. Even humans and pets. I'm guessing they put in all the designs they had.

The profiles are great too, also written by the characters. The little universe details are amazing (apparently Blackarachnia built Blitzwing into a triplechanger, the Autobots don't use outright weapons as a matter of historical tradition to distance themselves from the Decepticons and Fanzone's first name is Carmine), the entire thing's a fanfic writer or fan artist's dream. The TFA-verse is clearly a labor of snarky, well-thought out, creative love.

And the references, dear god the references. If we ever needed proof that the writers are gigantic fanboys, it's right here. It's not just G1 either, there are little references to favored Botcon foods and Marty Isenburg's daughters. There are references to things from other fandoms, like the Buffy the Vampire Slayer band "Dingos Ate My Baby." There is a Last Action Hero reference. I have never seen anything this magnificently geeky set to print and I love it forever.

The only real disappointment is that it doesn't have anything Season 3 related (not that it will necessarily stay that way with enough support, *coughcough*), but it's completely compliant with it as far as I can tell.

If you're a TFA fan, or know a TFA fan, or want to support TFA and its writers, or have at one point sat next to someone who might have watched TFA, BUY THIS BOOK. It is absolutely amazing.
seiberwing: ('Con support)
Title: Where Art Is Helpful
Summary: A set of familiar faces shows up to Bulkhead’s art exhibition and Bulkhead has no idea how to handle him.
Rating: G, no spoilers
Author’s Note: Drabble done for [ profile] blinkinghell, in gratitude for her gift of bitty ships, and posted about ten minutes before I jet off to the airport. I heard you liek Bulkheads, so I wrote you a Bulkhead. Credit also goes to [ profile] alanahikarichan for providing inspiration and some of Bulkhead’s dialogue.

Based on, like, three panels of the TFA: Arrival comic. )
seiberwing: (Default)
Thoughts on Endgame, Part 2.

Warning: This will get kinda violent )

I'm going to go do something perfectly dignified and mundane. Please ignore the muffled sniffling in the bathroom, as I certainly never cry at series finales.
seiberwing: (WTF?)
So...yeah. Endgame Part 1 made me imitate Thrust in my icon.

Cut for spoilers and flail. )
seiberwing: (Learnings)
"Why I Hate Machines" continues our good-episode-streak with much win and awesome.

Cut for your pleasure. )
seiberwing: (Explanations)
And we're back to the wtf territory, albeit not as bad as Five Servos of Doom. Great episode, mind, but still very wtf.

Spoilers, obviously. )
seiberwing: (Fierce hat is fierce)
I'm calling it now: Human Error is the best episode we've had all season.

Ramblerambleramble. )
seiberwing: (Default)
You know, I've finally figured it out. The writers got annoyed that Transformers: Animated got canceled, so they set out to purposefully give a generation of children perpetual nightmares.

spoilercut )

AND WHERE THE FUCK IS SARI. IT HAS BEEN FOUR EPISODES. WHERE IS OUR SPUNKY NOT-SO-HUMAN SIDEKICK. I start to wonder whether they realized they'd written themselves into a corner by powering her up and simply responded by writing her out of the series entirely.
seiberwing: (WTF?)
Through the magic of the internets someone got "Where Is Thy Sting" on up on YouTube a few days early. I think we can safely say "Three's A Crowd" was the fluffy breather episode because they got right back on the WHAT THE HELL with this one.

Cut for spoilers )

Also, more Prowl plz. Everyone else has complex backstory and motivation (sort of), can we get some for the mysterious ninja?
seiberwing: (Safeword)
I apologize for any mistakes in this, I'm practically dead of brain and I'll fix them in the morning. This is just a little log of random musings about what TFA Scourge and Cyclonus might be like based on their bios. They're...quite a bit different from their usual flavor, but I'm quite enjoying them.

Contains dubious content and a few nasty concepts. TFA Scourge is not so fluffy. )
seiberwing: (WTF?)
So. TFA season three. Yeah. What the fuck, man.

Cut for spoilers, unlike half the people on my damn flist. Long post is long. )


seiberwing: (Default)

May 2013

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